Are Wallflowers Part of the Conversation?

By on August 3, 2006 in Conversations with 17 Comments

As an extension of two recent posts (Is Blogging Really a Conversation and BlogHer: Where the Women Bloggers Are) , I’d like to share my thoughts on whether "wallflowers" are part of the conversations taking place online.

My BlogHer post was actually inspired by Tom Vander Well’s A Word to Blog Wallflowers. In it, Tom shares the story of a reader who has extended the conversation Tom starts by passing the blog on to others – even though the reader has never commented on Tom’s site.

Some of the bloggers I read had not yet seen a link from here or a comment on their site. I took the opportunity to thank them. Was it part of a conversation? Not really, but it started one I’ll always remember.

It may seem that I’ve played the role of the wallflower, but often I share these sites with others. One such site is Rosanna Marotta’s management+ethics. A great blog I’ve shared with several – though until now, no linkage or comments. Am I part of the conversation? Yes – a bridge.

In many cultures, when one approaches in a conversation, the polite thing to do is remain in the background getting a deeper sense of the context and the personalities before jumping in and sharing an opinion. Listen First.

If a conversation has two roles – one being listening, I’d think so. Part of the community? Probably not yet, but don’t give up on them – they may come around. Quoting a different Tom, "We’ll leave the light on for ya."

What do you think? Are wallflowers part of the conversation? Part of the community? How do we embrace them if we don’t know them?

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  • http://www.successful-blog.com Liz Strauss

    How interesting, Mike. I’ve been thinking lately about exactly the same thing. How I read and move on without leaving a trace, but still talk about blogs I like. I’ve started to explore this same phenomena and coming to the same conclusions as you are.

  • http://www.mpdailyfix.com Ann Handley

    Thanks for Tom’s “wallflowers” link (great term! paints an immediate picture). I am heading over there to check it out. (But didn’t want to remain a wallflower here, you know…God forbid!)
    : )

  • Susan Cergol

    As someone who has read on the sidelines for a while and just recently starting joining the conversation, I find this post really interesting. I too have passed links to others and talked about posts I’d read, even when I didn’t comment myself. That’s definitely part of the whole communication process. Your cultural reference is absolutely right, something I’ve become acutely aware of as I practice marketing communications in the Middle East, among communities of Arabs, Asians, Brits, Americans and others. This experience has reinforced my belief that sometimes you’ve got to give a good listen before opening your mouth.

  • http://www.converstations.com Mike Sansone

    Hi Liz: The ripple effect – if we ponder the possibilites – can really be something. Just yestereday I overheard someone spelling out a website to the note-taker, saying, “You rellay gotta check it out.” Immediately, I thought of Tom’s wallflower post again.

  • http://www.converstations.com Mike Sansone

    Ann – Thanks for adding your thoughts. It actually helps a great deal. At times I think I’m linking too much – but your comment shows how very important it is to introduce ideas and sites to our community. I think this holds true on or offline, yes?

  • http://www.converstations.com Mike Sansone

    Hi Susan – Thanks for being part of the conversations. Couple of thoughts as I write that…
    As you say, you’ve just started the engagement within the conversations, but you’ve been a part of them prior to that – and extended it to others by sharing the links.
    I pluralize conversation because I immediately recognized your name from comments on other blogs I read…I was immediately drawn to your comment because I recognized you as part of the community space we share.
    Thank you for listening – and also for engaging.

  • Susan Cergol

    Mike, how nice to be recognized…! I admit I’m still feeling a bit like a wallflower since I seem to be the only contributor without my own blog site. So the question is, do my posts on others’ sites still “count”?

  • http://www.sandrarenshaw.wordpress.com Sandy Renshaw

    Good posts from you and Tom. As a sometimes wallflower, I like to think I’m part of the community. I’m definitely a bridge. I’ll say something when I’m ready… don’t give up on us. Sometimes a post (conversation) has to strike a chord before I’m going to add my two cents.
    I also like your comment on being a good listener. Sometimes it’s rude to jump in right away.

  • Susan Cergol

    One other thought on extending the conversation: I’m giving a presentation this afternoon about brand management. The two biggest challenges my company currently faces is competition from big box retailers and weak internal branding and loyalty. So my handouts will include relevant blog posts from Mike Wagner (“Wal-Mart Does Not Own Your Brand!” from OwnYourBrand.com)
    and Ted Mininni (“Building Corporate Brand Value from the Inside Out” from Marketing Profs Daily Fix). I’ll be introducing my colleagues to blogging in general as well as steering them toward some excellent content experts…and extending the online conversation offline.

  • http://www.resonancepartnership.com Marianne Richmond

    Really good post….been thinking about this both from my own frequently “hit and run” commenting style, as well as in working with clients to formulate a social media strategy….reaching the “other” blogospheres.
    I read blogs for almost a year before I wrote my first post…the ultimate wallflower.
    Marianne

  • http://www.converstations.com Mike Sansone

    Susan, I think any comment that adds to a conversation “counts” – and yours always do. I’d suggest you consider pointing to a web site if that’s appropriate – it will help make your efforts “findable.
    Your next comment is a proof-positive that extending the conversation offline often gets unnoticed – but it’s still part of the conversation. Thanks for sharing that.

  • http://www.converstations.com Mike Sansone

    Sandy, Liz Strauss has a great thought on a recent post about this in 10 Reasons Readers Don’t Leave Comments. Good stuff.

  • http://www.converstations.com Mike Sansone

    Marianne, thanks for sharing your practice – I think it’s important…especially for business. As an avid reader of your work, I’m sure it helped you become better at the craft – and put you in a position to help others, yes?

  • http://www.mpdailyfix.com Ann Handley

    This is great conversations here, Mike (…and Marianne, Susan, Sandy & Liz). It’s a clear demonstration of how comments add to the richness and value of a post. Nice!

  • http://www.successful-blog.com Liz Strauss

    Mike,
    I’m so disappointed. I wrote a post about your post and trackbacked to you days go. WordPress is misbehaving on trackbacks. Anyway I want you know about it.
    http://www.lizstrauss.com/2006/08/04/everyones-business/blogging-conversation-dialogue/

  • http://www.alvalyn.com Alvalyn Lundgren

    I am a wallflower on most blogs I read due to the fact that I don’t have time to leave a cogent comment on everything; the reason I don’t have time is that if I’m going to put something in writing (even on Twitter) I want to make sure its well-thought, well said and true.
    I think you’re right that listening is as much a part of the conversation as speaking.
    I will always read more than I post. I probably forward or reference more than I comment. I’m a bridge!

  • http://www.lawofattraction4all.com RamTsam

    Good point “In many cultures, when one approaches in a conversation, the polite thing to do is remain in the background getting a deeper sense of the context and the personalities before jumping in and sharing an opinion. Listen First.” True.

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